


Definition of Fear

by TricksterGod



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-02
Updated: 2013-12-02
Packaged: 2018-01-03 06:18:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1067077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TricksterGod/pseuds/TricksterGod
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"What are you afraid of Nat?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Definition of Fear

Natasha wasn't afraid of anything.

It had been a topic brought up by Clint from time to time.

_'What scares you, Tash? What are you afraid of?'_

_'Nothing'_

_'Pfft. Come on Tasha. I won't tell anyone. It's just you and me here, no one else to hear. Tell me babe.'_

_'Nothing scares me Clint. I wouldn't be where I am if I let something shake me up.'_

_'Natasha Romanoff, afraid of nothing...Not even afraid of losing me?'_

She didn't even miss a beat then, her answer was quick.

_'We all pass on. C'est la vie.'_

 

But that was a lie. A bold-faced one at that. That was the one thing she feared. Losing him. If one day, he decided to leave her, break up with her, for whatever reason, she could live with it. That was fine. He'd still be around for her to follow, to watch over, to guard. A spider fearful for a hawk. And even though it would hurt, seeing him with another woman, it was better than the alternative. She'd saved his life once, some years ago, in the city she would never again be able to name and she did not intend to let that man go so easily.

Though the thought still weighed on her mind , almost constantly. Fury rarely let the two of them on missions together. He deemed it detrimental to their assignments if they were together too often. So, every time Clint would depart on his own, her heart raced, her mind would spin out an endless string of scenarios...none of them ending well. Nat would never admit this however...Clint was everything to her...as sappy as it would sound, he was her air, her sun...everything. If he died...no...no she couldn't think of that...she'd...there was no telling what she'd do...That thought would never be allowed to cross her mind. Once was enough.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------

Fury called her. Natasha had been on a simple mission, to observe only. Not to engage, no that came later. A faint buzzing of her cellphone pulled her eyes from where they were focused, on a woman with a rather well done dye job, but the platinum blonde color made her looked washed out. Jade green eyes went to her lap where her phone was as she picked it up, hitting the accept call button with her thumb. "Natalia." She spoke leaning back in her chair.

"Agent Romanoff, I'm calling you back in." Fury's voice was gruff on the other end.

"I'm almost done here, sir."

"Regardless. I'm calling together the Avengers once more. There is a plane waiting for you at Charles Degaulle."

"What's this regarding, sir?"

"Get on the damn plane Romanoff." Without further ado, he hung up with a curt snap.

A roll of her eyes as she stood up from the small cafe table where she sat, sliding her phone into her skirt pocket. What could it be now? More aliens? Loki again? Mutant uprising? Knowing Fury it could be any one of those things, hell maybe even worse. It didn't take her long to get to the airport. Once she gave her name to the woman at the ticket area, she was directed to the small private plane that lay in wait for her. No one recognizeable was on it, aside from the pilot whom she'd seen once or twice before. The whole ride there was taken in silence, her eyes on the view out of her window most of the time, the last 2 hours of the flight were passed with sleep, her hand curled under her chin.

The feeling of the plane touching down woke her before the stewardess did. Bright eyed and alert as she always was after dozing in such a position, she was off the plane and into the waiting Sedan in less than two minutes. The workings of her brain had behaved on the plane, but now...being so close to the Avengers HQ, which was at the moment, Stark Tower, it was flying into overdrive, listing all the things that could have gone wrong. Natasha scolded her self mentally, shaking her head and smoothing back her dark red hair, taking a breath. "Calm down...what ever it is...the Avengers...WE can handle it."

_Right. The Avengers could handle it...but could she?_

JARVIS greeted her at the entrance, he sounded...solemn? No goddamnit Nat. He's an AI, they aren't CAPABLE of that. Regardless, she returned the greeting and boarded the elevator, hands clasped in front of her as the door slid shut and took her to the very top floor of the Tower. Mere minutes ticked by like hours, it couldn't have been more than two maybe even three minutes but...it felt like forever. And when the doors finally slid open, she was greeted with a very somber Thor. Not expecting this, she raised an eyebrow ever so slightly and stepped out of the elevator.

"....? Thor...what's the face for?" The God didn't answer her, he merely gestured her forward. His expression didn't lessen as she walked further into the room, being met with the rest of the Avengers scattered about the room. Steve was sitting in a chair, leaning forward, his elbows on his knees, hands clasped infront of his mouth, eyes serious. Bruce was leaning against the table at the bar, rubbing his eyes under his glasses. Tony was behind the bar itself, a row of 9 shot glasses set out before him, only 4 of them remained full. Director Fury was standing and facing the massive windows, hands behind his back, unmoving at first, turning only slightly when she entered.

But where was Clint?

Nat turned her attention to Fury immediately. "I'm here...where's Bar-...what's goin-" Turning fully to face her, Fury cut her off. "Natasha...take a seat." This man never used her first name. Never. It was always Agent Romanoff to him. Whatever was wrong was serious and so, her gaze still on him, she reached for the seat beside Steve and sank slowly into it. As she watched him, it was evident that Fury was looking for the right words to say. This unnerved her greatly. While he took a moment to speak, Natasha turned to look at Steve, whose gaze never left the space in front of him, hands clenched tightly to each other. Now that she was closer she could see that his knuckles were white. A beat passed as she watched him, then she was drawn to where Steve's eyes were.

On the glass table in the center of the room, lay a broken and mangled bow.

Her reaction was as if someone had burned her. Leaping to her feet with a startled cry that made the room start, she knocked the chair she was in back. "Where is he?! WHERE IS HE NICK? TELL ME. TELL ME NOW." Her voice was louder than she'd intended, her heart was rapidly beating in her throat and she was vaguely aware of Steve rising to try and calm her down. "Natasha...Natasha please...I know..I know what you're feeling, it's okay." He reached out to take her arm but she yanked it away from him. "Where...where is he...what happened...you tell me...tell me right NOW GODDAMNIT." She backed away from Steve and right into the solid chest of Thor, whose hands took her by the shoulders calmly and turned her to face him, then tilted her chin up.

"He has gone on to the halls of his ancestors, Natasha. He sits with them now, as proud a warrior as ever." Thor's words should have made this even the tiniest bit easier. But it didn't. She made a choked sound and leaned forward, her forehead resting against his chest as she fell apart. The arms of Thor went around her and he was speaking to her but she couldn't hear him as she cried into his chest.

_'I failed him...I failed, I failed, everything has been for nothing....мои крылья...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...'_

"...I'm sorry Clint..I'm sorry..."

"Nat...babe...Natasha!"

Being shaken made her startle awake immediately, verdant eyes opening to meet a pair of concerned rainwater grey ones. "Hey there...it's just a bad dream...I'm right here." Just his voice was a balm to her. He wiped her tears away and her vision cleared, she could see his face. Clint smiled at her and pulled her closer to him, wrapping his sleep-warm arms around her and held her tight. She huffed a shuddering sigh and buried her face against him, relaxing now, it was just a dream...just a dream...

"Are you okay...? Was it...it was bad, huh?"

"Yeah...but it's okay now...it's over...it's over..."

But the nightmare would forever haunt her...the broken bow...the solemn faces...And try as she might in the morning to not think of it again, it would surface every so often, as horrible nightmares usually did. And she would just squash them down, stamp those bad thoughts into the ground as it were. Natasha could control the flow of her thoughts...But she could never control her dreams, her nightmares...who ever could?

 


End file.
